The terms stress and trauma are similar and sometimes used interchangeably. However, stress responses are often beneficial while trauma responses obstruct our growth.
Stressors build resilience
Most stressful experiences in life make us stronger. In fact, we can only grow when meeting resistance or stress. New or challenging events in our lives, such as job loss, exams, deadlines, finances, or divorce, often make us stronger. Challenges arise and, while painful, we meet the demands. We find a new job, re-take the test, scramble to meet a deadline, get a second job, and develop new relationships.
A trauma response is pathological – extreme, harmful to yourself or others, obsessive or compulsive, and/or outside your control – but stress responses strengthen our ability to cope with future challenges.
Physically speaking, vaccinations or weightlifting are also beneficial stressors. A minor illness builds our immune system, and heavy lifting builds our muscle mass, equipping our bodies to manage bigger challenges in the future. We benefit from stress especially when we believe the stressful response is making us stronger.
Stress can, however, become traumatic when events are prolonged or repeated. This is called persistent, chronic, or toxic stress. For example, it may be the difference between a parent giving a disapproving look or sharp criticism once versus enduring an overly critical parent year after year.
Trauma responses keep us stuck
Events are sometimes labeled as traumatic, though trauma is not the event (or series of events) itself. Rather, the trauma is a person’s response to what occurred.
Everyone processes distressing events in different ways. Physical abuse, sudden familial loss, war or violence – these events do not elicit the same response from every individual. Two people present for the same event (9/11, for example), or those who live in the same household, such as siblings with an alcoholic parent, process the experience differently. Trauma, therefore, is not the event itself but our unique responses to it.
A trauma response is defined by the intensity and duration of a stressful event, the overwhelm of emotions, and a person’s capacity to cope. Trauma responses can arise when a distressing event happens too early in life, too often, for too long, or – perhaps most important – if no one intervenes with guidance and care.
Stressful events can then overwhelm our ability to cope, resulting in long-lasting, self-reinforcing, maladaptive behaviors. Our bodies continue to respond as if the event is still occurring, even when it’s not. Our nervous systems remain activated and we interpret trivial challenges as catastrophe. That’s trauma.
Noticing the difference in your life
Stress can be embraced to build resilience; trauma responses keep us stuck and impedes our health and wellness. Trauma responses erode our ability to maintain positive relationships, our physical health, and our emotional well-being. Stress responses strengthen our ability to face challenges.
We can welcome our stress responses, but ignoring trauma responses is detrimental to our health. Unresolved trauma responses lead to many unpleasant outcomes ranging from problems at work, depression, anxiety, isolation, to poor health and even early death.
Perhaps you identify with one or more of the experiences here. If so, it may have developed it in response to trauma:
Alcohol or drug misuse
An unhealthy relationship with food
Difficulty sleeping
Burnout at work
Angry outbursts
Hypervigilance
Chronic fatigue
Difficulty trusting others
(Read more HERE about other less obvious symptoms to trauma such as people pleasing and keeping busy.)
While stress often propels us forward, trauma responses have a way of keeping us stuck in many ways – in relationships, in ideology, in negative thought patterns, or in a pace of life that doesn’t serve us. Ignoring or downplaying trauma responses keep us fixed, but overemphasizing our traumatic experiences can as well.
If you find yourself competing against others in the “Pain Olympics” over who had it worse in life, you may be stuck with trauma as your primary identity. This becomes an attention-seeking behavior which can also negatively affect your relationships.
Begin to undo this habit by being curious about what this stuck-ness is providing for you. Is it validation for being strong and resilient? Is it a need for more loving, supportive relationships? Identify how you might get what you need in ways that build rather than hinder closeness with others.
Understanding the difference between stress and trauma is a valuable self-awareness tool to help us address the unhelpful behaviors we’ve developed and begin to create new patterns. It can also help us embrace the stressful, painful times in our lives and welcome growth.
Stress vs trauma: How to embrace and address trauma
Here are steps to use the distinctions between stress and trauma in ways that are healing:
Apply stress insights with gratitude.
Honor life’s stressful events as opportunities to build your resilience. Remind yourself of all the ways you have survived or thrived in the face of adversity. Be encouraged by how strong you are.
Notice your behavior.
Learn about yourself by making connections between what happened to you and your current behavior. Self-inquiry can help us see where these behaviors came from and help us address the ones that aren’t serving us well.
Cultivate healthy coping skills.
Trauma responses help us avoid pain, yet that avoidance can accrue over time and weaken our ability to cope with stress. Take care not to avoid distress. Rather, let discomfort in, manage stress in positive ways, and let your resilience build.
Ask for an outside perspective.
Trauma responses run deep and come to feel normal. Often, it takes someone else to give honest feedback, as trauma responses are, by definition, persistent and become simply the way we are. Ask someone you trust to reflect on behavior patterns that may be unhelpful and related to past events.
Apply trauma insights with compassion.
Trauma responses develop to protect us, not because we are weak or damaged. Give yourself and others grace in your trauma-healing journeys. It’s never too late to start.
Apply stress and trauma insights to others.
A trusted friend offering understanding, empathy, and support without judgment can help us survive challenging times with less harm. Even one caring, safe relationship (especially early in life) gives any child a much better chance at growing up and the ability to face the challenges of life in healthy ways. Offer gentle, caring support to young people you know, young or old.
Final thoughts: Build your resilience
Stress and trauma play different roles in our lives, yet both provide opportunities for growth. We can build resilience through the inevitable stresses of life, and it's never too late to heal from our trauma. Apply these insights to your life with gentleness and increase your resilience.
Read more about trauma responses here: Trauma Responses Explained: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Appease.
Read here to understand how your brain develops trauma responses: Trauma Brain Explained: The Neuroscience of Trauma
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